Pat:
The thought or the mention of having to consider that my marriage needed “a little help” was a bitter pill to swallow, at first. After all, Helen and I were mature, some would consider intelligent, God-centric believers. I said “heck, we can solve any problem through prayer, the Bible, and calm, rational dialogue.” The only problem was that I allowed anger and holding grudges to fester. I became more and more stuck and the calm, rational dialogue seemed to fly out the window, as did my daily walk with the Lord. Helen and I said from the beginning of our friendship and then our marriage that God was our #1 and that He would be the center of everything – God, Helen, and I – “a cord of three strands is not quickly broken” (Ecc. 4:12). However, as my grudges and anger grew deeper and my relationship with Helen and God, my rock, weakened, I realized that I needed some outside help.
That outside help happened to come in the form of ReEngage. Through ReEngage, I found a safe place to work through my issues of holding grudges and anger that truly hindered God from being glorified in my marriage and from ministering to Helen. Our small group was there willing to hold me accountable on a weekly basis. I learned my struggles were not unique, that all of the men struggled at times with similar challenges of becoming a godly husband. I will be the first to admit I have more room to grow as a Christian and as a godly husband but, through Re-Engage, God has used the material and people to strengthen me and soften my heart towards Helen, to be more quick to forgive and more aware of her needs as a woman.
Finally, I was reminded of the importance and value of having a servant’s heart toward Helen. The ReEngage class and the people in it have truly been a blessing and Helen and I are back on track.
Helen:
When Pat and I started attending ReEngage, we were at the tail end of the hardest year of our marriage. I thought we had a pretty decent marriage. After all, we both loved God, we were best friends, and we loved spending time together doing activities we both enjoyed. Spiritually, we were on the same page and the companionship aspect of our marriage was good. However, as our conflicts escalated and the wounds we caused each other got worse, I started to get weary and really lost the joy in our marriage.
Through the ReEngage homework and in-class discussions, I had to work through topics I had not thought to discuss with Pat before and we were able to participate in frank and open discussions in our small group that showed us that we were not alone in our struggles. It allowed us to see some of the common battles that we encounter in marriage and it gave both of us a sense of freedom in knowing that others shared and/or understood our struggles. We were not weird. We went from isolation and shame to a sense of hope and renewal. Re-Engage is helping me to experience the marriage I always wanted.
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